I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
