I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
