So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
