On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
