So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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