She announced her abortion via fbk
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
