dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
