Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
