So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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