There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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