Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
