It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
time to smoke my breakfast
It's just like the Real World with babies
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You may now shotgun with the bride
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
