the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That accounts for only three of the penises
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize