Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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