Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I want a musical about memes.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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