he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
