this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
