So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
