you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
