??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
