I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize