im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
