I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
