I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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