apparently the secret to your success is patron
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
