good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
