Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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