I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
