If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize