I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ambien. No doubt about it.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
