i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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