When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
