My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
