..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
