I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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