theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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