can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
