Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
