It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
why do cheetos always look like penises
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
