Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize