This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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