I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
vagina is talking i cant
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
a search helicopter?!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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