forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
we're so committed to being not committed
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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