my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
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