he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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