I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
