she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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