Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
