I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
