Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
