Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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