he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
