return my video game
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
