so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
my liver is dry heaving
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
