it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
