im holly from the hills drunk
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
