I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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