did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
