Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
