please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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