we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
