They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
