Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
