I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
