I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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