i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
