This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
