How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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