I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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