honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
