I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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