She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
