Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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