i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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