hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
