My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
