I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
