you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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