The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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