I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
