My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
