peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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