come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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