Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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