Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
