i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
