so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
