If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
