i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
