My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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